Either way, I have felt...empty about all of this. I read the headlines that he was dead and yet I felt no joy, only sorrow. There were images of people celebrating, hands in the air and smiles abound, yet I could not find myself to read the typed words upon the page. The images were enough to make me turn away. Although his man committed many heinous crimes upon America and its people and many people have died because of him, I still feel that I should not rejoicing his death, nor do I mourn his passing. I don't feel happy at all.
I live in an area where many of the residents are celebrating victory of the American soldiers. Should I speak a word, all eyes will be upon me, shunning me and hating me for even giving an ounce of sorrow for the dead man. Sadly, the one place where I speak my mind (facebook) cannot be used to voice my thoughts as certain people on there do not see things my way or care for my sentiments so I must resort to this blog, despite not using it for a few years.
A memory comes to my mind of when I was in high school. A conversation with a foreign exchange student from Italy made me want to slap his upside the head. I tried to explain to him that I was a Hmong first and American second. The guy told me that I was American and as American as everyone else in the country. This was said with a negative tone. I had heard of his dislike for Americans, especially from his own lips. Though I tried to educate the guy that not every person in America is the same, the guy's mind was set. America was full of chauvinistic, ignorant pigs who were arrogant and selfish. We were idiots who saw ourselves as the best in the world. I can't say that I don't agree with him on that a bit, but go anywhere in the world and people would feel the same about their countries, but this definitely opened my eyes that other countries out there hated America.
This was further unveiled upon my two summers in Japan. Although the japanese were kind and polite, I received a few wary and unkind looks and words my way (I didn't take the time to learn japanese and some swear words those years for nothing!). One of my host fathers told me that he stereotyped America as the land of big things such as big cars, big houses, big money, big everything. "We" (as in Americans in general and every we from here on out will mean that) were big money spenders, but we were also the "top of the world." Yet what he meant was that we thought we were on top of the world and wanted control of everything.
There's no doubt in my mind that America comes out on top or tries to come out on top of everything in the world. I took a class about pathogens or something or other for a global studies class and the professor told us that despite the recession we were in, how much in debt we were, america still had loads of money to donate to global organizations and still be the head of these organizations. Sadly, I do not remember what they were or how much they donated, but it was quite a large sum of money. It is strange how much money and power we hold in the world...and how much other countries hate us for trying to come out on top and acting like we own the stage to the world.
Its no wonder why people hate America, why he who passed wanted to strike out at us, though the workings of their anger at America runs deeper with more intricate weaving which I don't have time nor the braincells to dive into, but with this much hatred directed towards us, why does noone bother to look at themselves and say, "hey, while we're celebrating here cause he died, what's the world thinking about us? or the people who were under him? or his family? are they going to want to attack us as well?"
One death cannot stop the hate, rather, it grows. Two wrongs cannot make a right. His death cannot possibly bring back the dead. Do you feel joy when he died? Do you feel justice? Do you feel that your lost loved ones will be happy that he is dead? Will his death fill the hole in your heart, on your wall, in the room next door or down the street or over the phone for you? Its just another hole that filled up the one in your life and believe it or not, others out there are mourning for their loved ones whom they lost in this war, those who are families of the enemy.
Do not think we are alone in this, America is not. They suffer too. Revenge is a dish best served cold...but what is revenge once it is over? What are you left with?
I will not rejoice in the death of that man, even if he was an enemy. I am not saying that it is wrong to have joy at his death (though it sickens me a little) but to think, to keep your mind open and listen, look and see who else out there is suffering other than you and why. Who else out there is scared that there is a soldier with a gun right around the corner ready to kill you because your family member had killed his friend twenty seconds ago or was forced from their homes in the dead of night because someone else doing the killing hid in your village?
We're not alone in our fear, in our suffering, and we shouldn't judge others because we feel we hurt more.
I'll finish this off with a quote from MLK that a friend put up:
"Are we seeking power for power’s sake? Or are we seeking to make the world and our nation better places to live. If we seek the latter, violence can never provide the answer. The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. from Strength to Love
